


Broken Camouflage

by lazy_stitch



Series: I Like Me Better When I'm With You [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Study, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Feels, Hurt Vision (Marvel), Introspection, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Secret Crush, Vision (Marvel) Feels, Vision Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-11 07:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11710182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazy_stitch/pseuds/lazy_stitch
Summary: Nothing is as it should be at the Avengers compound after the battle at the Leipzig airport, especially after Vision hears about where their friends were sent, and nothing hurts worse than repressed emotions that he mistook as his programming trying to (poorly) copy humans.





	Broken Camouflage

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

There's something about silence in a place where there used to be constant noise.  Low voices of people talking, the television as it played everything from cartoons to the daily news, perhaps dripping water as a pot of coffee brewed, or bubbling as water was boiled for tea, the sharp thwack of a knife hitting wood as vegetables got chopped, sometimes even the softened thump of a dart hitting the bullseye on the dartboard.

Now... there was nothing.  Even the smallest sound he made seemed like an assault on his hearing, because it was wrong, wrong, _wrong_.  He shouldn’t be free while the others were jailed, for if all they did was hurt a comrade to help another two escape, he was the worst offender on that short list.

Sometimes, he believes he can hear everything, back to the way it had been, but then he remembers he's the only living thing in the entire complex.  Even the little potted plants in the kitchen have died.  He feels like a stranger in the only home he’s ever known.

It doesn't hurt.  Not as it should.  It just felt... _empty_.

_He_ was empty.

Days blur, though not as they had before.  Sometimes the seconds ticked by hours at a time, and other times hours go by seconds at a time.  Or, rather, he was lucky if the latter happened.  Most often, eternities pass, but then, it has only been five minutes.  Nothing is out of place, and yet it should be.  Things were exactly how they'd been left, but they shouldn't be because his friends should be here, moving them daily, but they weren’t – it was just him.  Sometimes, his chest burns as he sits by the kitchen, day after day, chessboard in front of him.  There is no cavernous hole in the floor anymore, but there is one in his chest, growing each day from beating fissures that stem from his heart.

He wonders if he's malfunctioning.

(He wonders if anyone even cares.)

He knows about the little camera and audio devices scattered, hidden in places they think are secretive, that record everything he does.  The ones so "concerned" with his well-being (or perhaps his “performance” was more apt) are just as much of a ghost as he was in the compound.

It is a month, perhaps (he has, somehow, lost track of the days and can't be bothered to do a simple Google search because... why does it matter what day it is?  But as soon as that thought crosses his mind, it matters because it has been exactly twenty-eight days since he'd been... _distracted_ by the fear that corroded and overrode his senses as he awkwardly pulled his hurt heart half into his lap), before he sees another person.  Tony and Rhodes arrive with boxes of Rhodes' personal belongings at half past one.

"Mr. Stark.  Colonel Rhodes.  Good afternoon.  Do you require any assistance?" His mouth feels... awkward, his tongue heavy against his teeth.  Rhodes looks well enough, clutching Tony's arm in a bruising grip to stay upright, but he is walking, mostly, by himself.

(“ _I'm sorry.” “Me, too.” “It's as I said...”_ )

(“ _Catastrophe.”_ )

He flinched slightly, mouth twitching, and his control over his density wavered momentarily, making him sink into the pavement.  He fixed it quickly by banishing the memory, and it seemed like neither Tony nor Rhodes had noticed him sinking and rising a few millimeters.

"Vision, you were out here? By yourself?" Tony has sunglasses on, covering his eyes, but his shock is evident in the way his voice shook on his last two words.

By himself.  Alone.

(No Wanda.  No Steve.  No Sam.  No Natasha.  No Rhodes.  No Tony.  No Clint.  No ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.)

(Just Vision.)

"Yes.  I had nowhere else to go after the... airport.  And the Accords require me to get permission to leave any secure premises such as the compound." Vision hopes he sounds nonchalant, because a tremor passes through the broken path to his heart.

The airport.

_(“I was... distracted.”_ )

His left hand flexed at his side, burning with the phantom heat he'd felt from her thigh.

"Shit, Vision, I'm sorry I...  From the way Ross mentioned you, I thought...  Hell, I thought you were doing stuff for him.  Like teaching agents.  If I'd have known, I would've gotten you over to Avengers Tower with us." Tony ran his free hand through his hair and then over his mouth.  Rhodes, who wasn’t wearing sunglasses, openly stared at Vision, and Vision noted that his grip on Tony's arm tightened slightly.  Taking that as a sign Rhodes needed to sit instead of seeing it for what it truly was, a movement of surprise, Vision goes around them to the car where the boxes were.  There weren't many since Rhodes had lived in the compound before...  But they were heavy, because they were filled with mechanical parts, either extras, prototypes, or failed types of the leg supports Tony had made Rhodes.

"Shall I take these to your room, Colonel Rhodes?" Vision asked, beginning to stack the boxes to make a single trip.  The skin on his shoulders prickled with unease as he did so.

( _"That's what people call their, ah, sixth sense. It is... when you are not looking at someone, or thing, but can feel they are looking at you." Wanda explained to him once, eyes rolled up to the ceiling in concentration as she tried to use the right words in English.  When she looked down and saw his eyes whirring as they did when he was Googling something, she smiled._ )

Vision nearly lost his grip on the boxes as he pulled them from the car in a neat stack.  Closing his eyes and counting to three, he willed himself to not think of his past teammates ( _Wanda_ ) anymore, because they had made their choices just as he had.  No one had made a particularly wrong or bad choice, yet here they were, separated and hurting in unforeseen ways.

"Yeah that'd be, uh, that’d be great.  Thanks, Vision." Rhodes said when Vision turned to face them with a controlled smile on his face.  Vision could scarcely breathe when he floated by them into the compound, perfectly aware of how they were giving him odd looks.

He was malfunctioning, and they knew it.

He almost lost control of his density again, trying not to appear rushed as he entered the compound before them.

(What would they do, what would they _do_ , _what_ would they _do_ , _what would they do_ , what...?)

After drooping off the boxes in Rhodes’ room, Vision joined them in the living room for as long as he could stand it.  Endless energy seemed to flow into his legs and fingers as Tony and Rhodes told him about their plans, making him wish he could bounce his leg or wring his hands, but he couldn’t let them see him do that, couldn’t let them know he was malfunctioning even worse than that day in Germany.  Rhodes was moving back into the compound, and, for the first time ever, Tony would also be moving in.  It wouldn't be for a while, because Tony had lots of things to tie up in New York City (and even more things to move to the compound), but he was going to be at the compound every day to work with Rhodes.  Happy and Pepper would also be moving in when Tony did.  It wasn't long after that revelation that Vision couldn't take... _anything_ anymore, and excused himself to "do some reading."  What he really did, though, was phase up to the bedrooms, entering Wanda's room instead of his own.  He sat on the floor, eyes closed with his head resting against her door, and just... _breathed_.  She wasn’t physically there to ease the oncoming panic he was feeling knowing he’d suddenly be in constant contact with people again (not just people, people he considered his _friends,_ he shouldn't be panicking the way he was) and would have to constantly be aware of all his systems to not let anything slip in front of them.  She was there, however, in his mind – his imagination and memories, which wasn't as calming as he needed but it would work for a bit.

( _“Vision, are you not letting me leave?”_ )

Vision's eyes opened slowly, on the off chance the past memories haunting him were real.  But he was alone, just as he always was, and some tiny, little part of him died and joined the other tiny, little parts that had been slowly building up ever since Ross had introduced the Sokovia Accords.  Nowadays, Vision wasn't sure if he felt more alive or dead, he just... _was_.  It was frighteningly similar to how he'd been after his birth, as if his body was trying to erase everything and start over.

(Did he want to, though?)

(Did he even have the energy to fight it?)

The long shadows and setting sun told him hours had passed since he’d left Tony and Rhodes.  Vision phased down to the living room, surprised to see it empty, but not surprised to see all the little bugs Ross had planted sitting, deactivated, in a bowl on the coffee table next to the chessboard.  Since the living room was connected to the kitchen _(“It is a question of safety.” “I can protect myself.” “Not yours.”_ His hand flexed at his side again, because he was always concerned for her safely, and maybe he should’ve said that but he hadn’t and now she wasn’t even here and…), he could see the dirty dishes they'd left in the sink from eating dinner.  Vision gave his head a little shake to rid himself of the memories clouding his brain like a thick fog of regret.  The dishes meant they were probably in the lower levels, in either a gym to help Rhodes learn to walk again or in one of Tony's labs.  Considering how fresh the food scraps on the plates looked, the labs were more likely.

So Vision phased down to the labs, walking through the walls to find which room they were in.  He was practicing an apology for his earlier behavior, and a lie to cover it up, completely unconcerned with walking in on them until he was halfway into a wall (the ones in the labs were extra thick in case of explosions) and heard them talking.  Normally, Vision didn't eavesdrop (because he always got caught since he was, generally, a terrible liar - or so Wanda insisted, but she _could_ read minds.  Not that he doubted her, though, especially since Natasha vociferously agreed, saying that his honesty was his one true weakness), but he found it hard to either continue through the wall or go back the way he'd come.  Though it was utterly impossible, he felt wholly and entirely stuck in the wall, like he'd never be able to join the two halves of his body, one half stuck inside of the wall and he other outside, again.

They were talking about _him_.

And... _they knew_.  They really knew he was malfunctioning.

Vision's stomach fell like a boulder at his feet, and his throat constricted painfully.

"It's no wonder he was acting so _weird_ earlier.  I can't believe Ross left him alone while monitoring his every move.  Vision had to know about those bugs, right?  He would've noticed them?" Rhodes' voice wasn't strained, so he was probably sitting in a chair or on a table.

"Oh yeah, no way Vision didn't know about them.  Probably just doesn't care.  It's not like he's hiding anything."

(But he was, oh how he was hiding _many_ things...  The backs of his eyes began to burn.  It had been happening a lot since the Accords, and he still had yet to figure out what it meant, other than it being a sign that he was malfunctioning.)

"And I can, actually.  Can believe Ross did that."

"What?  He's the _Secretary of State_ , Tony, not some spy or anything.  And Vision signed the Accords.  There’s no reason to spy on him, if it’s even legal."

"Yeah, but...  You know I visited the others in, in jail?  I wasn't... _entirely_ truthful to you about it.  Didn't want to worry you since, at that time, I wasn't sure if...  And since then, it's been a wild ride, figuring out your legs and moving and all that."

Tony didn't stall as well as he thought he did.  That, or he was just bad at it because he felt guilty and had his best friend staring him down.  Vision was betting it was the latter because he always found it harder to not tell Wanda something, and she... _had_ been his best friend.  Now, he'd understand if she hated him.  He didn't think he could hate anyone, but if their situations were flipped, perhaps...

( _“They will never stop being afraid of you.”_ )

Vision closed his eyes, mouth turning to a tortured scowl as his thoughts wandered back to Wanda, specifically her broken expression that _he’d_ caused, until Rhodes spoke.

"Tony, what the hell is going on?"

Vision didn't need to scan Rhodes to know the man's blood pressure was rising just like his voice was.

"Ross...  Wow, Vision's isolation is making sense, now that I think back...   _Damn_..."

"Tony."

"Right, sorry, was going to the beginning.  But, Rhodey, you gotta promise _not_ to tell Vision.  About _any_ of this."

... What?  Did Tony not... _trust_ him?  Was Tony actually _afraid_ of him?  Was it because he'd done nothing about Ross' bugs?  Didn't try to reach out to Rhodes after apologizing to him while he was still incapacitated in the hospital?

Vision was finding it hard to control his density, but he focused on that, because he didn't want to fall forward and interrupt Tony and Rhodes, nor did he want to fall back and miss anything.  But his chest crumbled, and his eyes burned.  He didn’t want to hear them anymore, but he _had_ to stay there.  He _had_ to face the truth, as cruel and ironic as it seemed.

"We're not telling Vision?"

"It's a moot point by now to tell him - _yes_ , I'll explain, trust me - and I don't... I don't want to _hurt_ him.  Fuck I've already _abandoned_ him for like a month, didn't even bother to check—"

"Tony.  That wasn't your fault.  I heard Ross talking about him, too, okay?  I thought he was fine, just like you did.  If you’re going to be upset, I'll join you because I also didn't reach out.  Vision didn't, either.  It's a fucking mess, okay?  Everyone and everything is a mess right now.  And you need to _focus_ , okay?  Tell me.  Stop keeping everything to yourself, man.  It's going to _kill_ you.  Breathe in, and out.  Go on and tinker if you want while you explain.  Take as long as you want, 'cause I don't have anywhere else to be."

Vision recognized Rhodes' calming tactics.  He'd employed them on Wanda on several occasions.  He could still feel her small, chilly hands wrapped around his wrists so tightly that her knuckles were pearly white.  They had trembled with every strained breath she took, slowly dissipating as she calmed, leaning into his gentle touch on her shoulders.  After the first time Vision had calmed her, Wanda had thanked him verbally.  By the fifth time, she just wrapped her arms around his torso, her arms weak but her feelings strong.

He dearly wished he were hugging her right now, instead of feeling the phantom touch of her hands holding him tightly.

"They were sent to the Raft, Rhodey." Tony continued after a few minutes of collecting himself.  Vision could hear him tapping a tool against one of the metal tables in the lab.  Vision could also hear the deafening silence that followed Tony's admission, and it confused him until he did some digging on the Internet.

The Raft was a prison.  It was _THE_ prison.  The idea of it had really solidified after Dr. Banner's condition became public knowledge and Thor appeared in New Mexico, and it was finally built, with severe modifications, after Loki's attack in 2012.

It was a prison for monsters.  The deranged.  The upper members of Hydra and other such organizations.  The mass-murdering types like Loki.

(It was built for _them_.)

"Seriously?  They were..." Rhodes' voice was weak in disbelief.

"Yeah.  This is where you have to promise not to tell Vision, because it gets worse."

"Tony, we need his help.  They _can't_ \- our _friends_ don't belong in the _Raft_!  They've been there long enough, Tony, _what the hell_ —"

"They're gone.  Break in at the Raft yesterday, probably Cap.  I'll get there.  But, Rhodey, the promise.  I need it."

Vision mentally latched onto their voices to keep himself focused and steady.  His vision was blurring, even inside of the wall, and his stomach was turning in knots.  He was naive, _so_ naive ( _“Well, I was born yesterday”_ ) to think... to not even _look_ into where they'd send his friends.  He'd only been selfishly thinking of himself and the past, living like a ghost in the compound, while his friends _needed_ him.

But then, what could he have done?  The Accords blocked him from helping.

He could've helped suffering people.  But at what cost?  The Accords kept them on a tight leash, but it was better for the rest of the world.

(Wasn't it?)

"Tell me why."

Yes, Tony.  Tell them why he couldn't be trusted.

"Vision... he likes all of us.  That much is true, plainly so.  But we've all, himself included - or well, all of us _but_ Wanda - have been treating him like a robot - _like Redwing_.  I'm not the first, and I won't be the last, to say robots are my friends - _even Dummy_ , who's a big fucking _idiot_ and - _that's my point_.  We care about things, even inanimate things, and give them personalities.  Humans do it naturally.  Ask anyone who works with robots, and they’ll say they talk to the robot, treat it like a pet, beg it to work properly even though they’re the ones coding it, treat it as if it’s alive when it’s not.  That’s what we’ve all been subconsciously doing with Vision, because on the outside, our behavior is the same as if we’re talking to someone alive because we consider the robot our friend, as if it really is alive.  It’s even easier to do that with AI programs, like JARVIS was and Friday, especially if they have a human face like Vision does.  But... he said he was _distracted_.  He didn't - _doesn't_ know how...  But he did say in the beginning that he wasn't JARVIS, and he wasn't Ultron.  I mean, I was joking at the airport, because it was Wanda and it'd get her mad, but... I think Vision actually has feelings.  Honest to God, _human_ feelings and emotions.  And we’ve unknowingly been stepping all over them."

Vision nearly fell forward through the wall.  Feelings, _him_?  He certainly could feel physical things...  But he _wasn't_ _human_.  He couldn't feel emotions like them... _could_ he?  Wanda had always asserted that he did, but Vision had never quite believed her.  He knew he... felt… _some_ things, but he also doubted they were like human emotions.  Humans felt emotions in everything they did, and it was a beautiful sight to behold.  Surely whatever he felt was a pale imitation of the real thing.  Every part of his body was synthetic or metal, so any emotions he had, or _thought_ he had, _had_ to be synthetic, too.

A voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Wanda was calling him silly, because he was alive and living things felt emotions, including Ultron.

(“ _You’re afraid_.”)

Memories assaulted him like waves, memories of laughter, of smiles, even of heartbreak – all the moments he’d shared with his friends in the year since his birth, the moments he cherished.  Vision clutched at his sweater over his aching, bleeding heart with one hand, careful to not let his arm breach the width of the wall.  His breaths came in broken, shattered gasps, because everything hurt, most especially the heart he’d been ignoring, and he felt the wall crushing him even though it wasn’t moving.

"He... he _did_ look like he was about to cry at the meeting in the hotel.  Especially when Wanda was brought up - though I gotta say, with hindsight now, you _were_ being a little harsh on her.  She’s got the most destructive potential, but she’s still just a young woman – she’s not a nuke."

Cry?  The word brought Wanda to the forefront of his mind's eye.  She'd told him, once, that it was okay to cry.  He'd responded that his systems didn't include crying and that it was impossible for him to cry.  He lacked the necessary parts and emotions.

(But his eyes itched and burned as the air was squeezed from his lungs, barely escaping through his constricted throat, by absolutely nothing.)

"Without…  I know she’s not, you’re right, but… that potential is _terrifying_.  And that’s _exactly_ my point about Vision.  Which leads me back to the promise I need from you.  Everything he's done, except making that golden cape of his, revolved around two people: me, and Wanda.  He's loyal to me, but her...  She's something else.  I don't want to hurt him.  The Raft...  Ross wasn't kind to her.  So you gotta promise not to tell Vision, Rhodey.  God it's _so_ fucked up, but he'd go help if he found out, then he'd probably turn himself in to Ross because he's _that_ kind of guy and... I honestly don't know what they'd do to him."

_Wanda_.  Wanda Vision could think about.   _Had_ to think about.  Anything to get his mind to stop beliving his body was crumbling like soda can beneath an unforgiving shoe.  Vision wasn't sure what Tony really meant (she's "something else?"  Was he referring to her powers?  The fact most everyone didn't consider her human?), but he did know that Tony was right.  He'd copied Thor's fashion sense, but since then, his world had revolved around Tony and Wanda (and it had been tilted towards just Wanda for... five months, perhaps, before the Accords.  But that was because she was his best friend.  She meant everything to him.  And he'd _ruined_ that, betrayed her trust in him and the humanity only she thought he had).  And he'd definitely turn himself in to the authorities _if_ he'd helped her and the others escape from the Raft.

No.  The crime did not fit the punishment.  He _would've_ helped, had he known.

(He should have looked.  He _should_ have looked.   _He should have looked._ )

"I'm only promising not to tell him since you said they've already escaped.  And because he looked like shit, earlier.  It's gonna be on the news, though, Tony, if it isn’t already.  You know that.  Not where they were kept, but that they escaped.  He's going to look into that, and we know he's the best damn hacker in the world.  He’ll find _everything_."

"I know.   _I know_.  I just...  I was so _mad_ at Steve and that Barnes guy...  I just _didn't care_.  About _anything_.  But I'll tell him... after I'm done here with you.  Fuck, I'm gonna need so much scotch after this.   _So much_ , Rhodey.   _I fucked up so much._ "

Vision had half a mind to leave, feeling ( _truly_ feeling?  His chest burned at the possibility) a bit better that Tony trusted him.  Wasn't afraid _of_ him, but rather _for_ him.  Some of the pressure on him was alleviated, yet he stayed in the wall, the overwhelming desire to hear about Wanda beating down that half because he _had to know_.

"So, what'd they do to them at the Raft?"

"Well, when I got there, Ross threatened to put me in a cell, too.  Because of ‘the fiasco’ at the airport.  So, that's why it makes sense he'd bug the shit out of this place since he knew Vision was here.  Didn't mention you, probably because he thinks your hero days are over."

"Tony—"

" _Anyway_ , the guys were stored on level eight.  Level _eight_ , man.  Didn't even have medical treatment done, 'cause Sam was rocking a monster bruise with no ice, no salve - nada.  Clint and that other guy - the shrinky-growy guy - looked well enough.  Clint still had his smart mouth, which is a good sign.  All of 'em were upset, obviously.  In these reinforced cells, like the one for Banner back in 2012 in the Helicarrier.  Good design, but not strong enough for him.  Or Loki.  But, yeah, good enough for people without powers.  Wouldn't hold them for three minutes if they had their gear, though."

"So, harsh treatment, but otherwise pretty normal prison stuff.  Except they were in the _Raft_.  On _level_ _eight_.  Which..." Rhodes let out a breath.

"Yeah.  And they knew where they were, too.  Including what level.  It was written on the inside of their honeycomb chamber.  So, Clint would've told them by then.  They were in the level for top ranking Hydra guys without powers, like Strucker had he been transferred fast enough."

"Yeah..."

Vision hated the silence that followed the revelation.  He felt bad for his friends, and the one Steve had called Scott, but... Tony hadn't mentioned Wanda.  Which meant she _wasn't_ on level eight.  She _wasn't_ with Clint, or Sam, or Scott.  An icy chill enveloped him, rooting him in his spot, and the pressure from before returned, pressing down firmly on his shoulders and keeping his ribs from expanding more than an inch when he tried to breathe.  Unlike before, Vision knew he couldn’t even _consider_ moving until Tony said what had happened to Wanda.  He couldn't abandon her.  Not again.

( _Never_ again.)

"And Wanda?"

"Level five."

" _Shit_ , Tony, isn't that—"

"Yeah.   _Loki's_ level."

" _Please_ tell me they didn't put some sort of muzzle on her like they did with him.  Tony don't you _dare_ tell me they had that young woman, that _kid_ chained up like a _dog_ and you just... _left_ _her there_."

"What the _fuck_ was I supposed to _do_ , Rhodey?  I didn't have a suit, Rogers was out with his fucking pride, Barnes was with him, and I'd just found out about the Zemo guy _on my flight to the Raft_!  I couldn't fucking _do_ anything for her, or for anyone, _especially_ because Ross was right there breathing on my neck!"

"Fine, not then, but Tony - _you never went back_!"

"I was _pissed the fuck off_ , Rhodey, and you damn well know _why_!  And there's _nothing_ I could do!  Breaking them out would make me a war criminal, too!   _You needed me_!  And so did Peter - hell, he _still_ does!  I _can't_...  I _know_ I was wrong.   _We all were_.  You said it yourself, _everything and everyone is a big fucking mess_!  And I can't do anything as a war criminal.  I'm not useful like that.  So, I did what I _could_ do, without making myself join them on the run.  Started looking into modifying the Accords, going to representatives and seeing what they knew about the punishments, sent requests to have them all moved from the Raft, or _at the very least_ get Wanda with the others on the eighth level without that... that _thing_ on her neck."

If there was anything in his stomach, Vision knew he would've vomited.  He was thankful he never had to eat.  The utter revulsion he was feeling... didn't feel good.  He couldn't breathe anymore, he couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't...

What had he done?

"What _thing_ on her neck, Tony?"

Vision was glad for the sharpness in Rhodes' voice, asking Tony what Vision couldn’t but needed answered.

"I don't...  I honestly _don't_ know.  Big, black, clunky.  It blinked - little light on it...  If it was me - and it _wasn't_ , I swear to you on my mother's memory, I _didn't_ design anything in there, that was all S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff and whatever Ross and his boys, I guess, cooked up - _if_ it was me, I'd get her drugged up.  She can't think, she can't work her magic.  Nothing better than heavy sedation.  She looked it, too...  All spaced out, curled up on the floor in a straight jacket...  She never looked like that, even during the first few hours and days after..." Tony trailed off, making a strangled noise.

"Might've been a shock collar, or a combination of both drugs and electricity, I don't know..."

Tony's voice faded as Vision fell backwards through the wall, slamming into the floor with more force than he anticipated, but not enough to be heard on the other side of the wall.  Lying on his back, his eyes darted everywhere in the darkened room, trying to find something to look at instead of the mental image overriding his senses.

Straight jacket.  Metal collar.  Looking dead inside.  He could see it _all_ , see Wanda's small form in a cell with no one around her, body stiffening from not moving.  He could feel the cold choke of the collar and the empty embrace of the straight jacket as if he was wearing them himself.

Her green eyes stared at him accusingly, and his stomach convulsed.

What had he done, what had he _done_ , _what_ had he _done_ , _what had he done_...?

His sixth sense tingled, feeling those haunted eyes boring holes into the back of his head as a memory forced its way forward, replacing all but those damned green eyes.  It was as clear as day to him, like it had just happened...

_"My biggest fear..." A hiccup interrupted the silence she'd let fall as she considered finishing her sentence.  Vision had let Wanda do as she wished, not wanting to press her since she'd already felt enough from the others and herself._

_"Pietro, he... he always reminded me he was the older twin, so smug he was twelve minutes older.  And now..."_

_Now she was torn, officially a year older than her twin could ever be.  Vision knew birthdays were supposed to be happy events, but he figured exceptions were made for people in Wanda's situation._

_"I don't want to be alone, Vision.  I don't...  My biggest fear is one day, I'll wake up, and I'll be all alone...  It was so terrifying, those first few weeks... Vis..." Wanda's arms tightened around him, and the pressure of her weight increased on his side. S am would've been much better, more confident in comforting her, but Sam wasn't her best friend.  Wasn't her confidant._ Vision _was.  He mimicked her, pulling her tighter to his side with the arm around her shoulders._

_"I cannot promise you will never be alone, but I shall endeavor to make sure it doesn’t happen._ That _is something I can promise._ ”

But he _had_ left her alone, _hadn't_ he?

He was a better liar than she'd ever thought him to be, and it made his eyes burn in shame and guilt.  It tore at the remnants of his chest, and shuddering breaths wracked his body as Vision unconsciously sank through the floor.

He had _promised_ her, and he had _failed_ her because he’d helped send her into her worst nightmare.

(“ _Maybe I am a monster.  I don’t think I’d know if I were one._ ”)

Didn’t he, though?

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i don’t like hurting vision lol. but i thought this was necessary because, after rewatching iron man 3 and seeing tony constantly referring to his suit as if it was a person (plus age of ultron where tony calls vision a machine and says “it’s not like a person lifted [mjolnir]”), everything clicked into place.
> 
> 3 things: 1. wanda was not on level eight with the boys (rewatch steve’s letter bit). the rest of the raft stuff (like “loki’s level”) was all me tho bc drama. 2. nothing ever confirms that collar was a shock collar. 3. idk if this is really in character for vision? imo, he needs to break, emotionally, to get to where i hope he is in iw (and i s2g they better have crying vision bc otherwise they are completely wasting bettany’s incredible crying skills).


End file.
